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I don’t want you to be what other people think that you are - 5x13


This by far has to be the hardest meta to write because I am so, so disappointed in the writing but I find that Damon’s characterization is still very in character but not in the way people would think about this being his true self or people thinking they’ve been fooled all along about who Damon is. I disagree with both standpoints and while if it were up to me I would change the way things are being executed, the basis I am using to analyze him is still the same. It’s not about him “not getting the girl” as he puts it, but his lack of belief in himself and believe me I do not condone this or want to wrap him up in blankets and say “poor Damon”.

No, that’s not the stand I am taking at all. It’s more clinical from the way I’m looking at it because I do judge his actions very much and I do not think anything can justify it. But I attempt to understand what drives him to operate this unhealthy way. Self destructiveness is his addiction and he battles with it constantly because his instinct is to run away, to act out, to sabotage himself and not deal with the consequences but rather face someone’s hatred of him to validate his own self flagellation which further reinforces him to be this way. It is in a way sadistic but also masochistic. It is problematic but from a distanced point of view it is fascinating. I’ve written about this in this meta according to the material given in the previous episode but I expand onto it using this episode.

I think a key point that Damon says in 5x12 is that before he was conflicted, but now he wasn’t and it brings us back to 2x12 where he stands at the middle of the road and says he’s lost existentially. He wanted to turn it off but he couldn’t, even though he knew he couldn’t have Elena and the biggest reason for that as he explains in 2x13 wasn’t that she was with Stefan but because of who he was, and who she wants him to be and how that doesn’t really go together and he struggles with that realization of that change. In 5x12, he says he’s crystal clear about who is, that Elena thinks he’s a monster and that’s who he really is and he flips the switch because that doubt is gone. He believes that’s all he is and from the start he’s believed anything good he’s done was because of Elena(“I don’t do good. It’s not in me.”//”You’re the good and I need a little good in my life because without it there’s an awful lot of darkness”) and everything he did was because she believed there was more to him, and that he was dependent on her for any good that he did. After the sire bond debacle, it further decreased his belief in himself and made him think about how he is negatively influencing Elena. He takes credit for all the bad that he’s done to her but he cannot take credit for the good - that has to be all Elena.

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The way Elena hugged Damon though, it wasn’t just a I’ve-Missed-You-So-Much hug, it was kind of a cry for help too. She sort of fell into his arms, so relieved to see him that that was all she had time to process before Katherine took over. She didn’t even have chance to say anything other than…


It pisses me off SO much when this shitty ass alliance tries to take credit for evicting Aaryn or even Elissa. Elissa was the one that got Aaryn evicted! By placing Andy as the replacement nom! If anything Judd/GM/Spencer should be thanking Elissa for not putting them up because their ass would have gone to jury. And McCrae is the one who got Elissa out.

Just because you vote someone out, you do not get credit for their eviction!!! Gosh, I dislike them so much.




  • That Julie didn’t call Amanda out on her racism
  • That McCrae put up Elissa
  • The Exterminator Alliance and their little skits
  • Andy’s smug ass face
  • The fact that Elissa got evicted
  • The fact that there’s practically no reason to watch the feeds anymore.

The only positive is that Amanda and Elissa can poison the Jury against Andy.

I don’t want to be that person, because it’s probably not true, but I’m D.O.N.E

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